Now I know

By Sil (13th of November, Hereford)

This morning I stood on the door step and trimmed Scully's hair 

I thought of my husband mowing lawn in late autumn 

When grass blades have lost their exuberant thrust

A chore I will never have to do again

I remember touching Mia's fur a week before we put her down 

It was dry, greying and lifeless; she looked like a stuffed animal displayed in the natural history museum

Scully's fur, now a death shroud 

Is how how I know that it's time

I took the dogs for a walk along the river

Luna darted all over the place

Scully trotted gingerly along the narrow path, 

falling further and further behind 

And for some reason it felt like he was moving in real time

whereas I was caught up in the sped-up funeral march a the edge of the universe, 

where matter falls away from matter faster and faster 

Unravelling,

as if it were the fraying seam of a sweater when a child catches the loose end of a thread,

and keeps tugging at it

I stared right into the eye of the sun 

And said: 

This is my future

And yours, too, star

We're just riding biological trains that are moving at a slower pace

Watching my dogs die is how I know the destination

Is how I know the perfect darkness at the end of time