About Your Father

(By Sil, the 20th of June, 2010)

Father’s
Words
Are
Wheels
You can borrow
For the Long Ride

In exchange of
Propulsion
You won’t
Leave
Your identity
At the gate

But you will
Have to
Build
Your own frame
With
Your own tools

He holds you close
So you can learn
That
It is manly
To cradle

He cries
So you would see
Under
Permeable skin
He is vulnerable,
But not weak.

You know
That his door
May be closed
But never locked
So enter.

In his cave of wonders
He preserves
Traces of his past
So you can
Dare
To look
Into your future.

Beginnings

(By Sil, June, 2009, London)

Of beginnings without heartbeat:
I am thrust into motion
Cat yanked awake from drowsy stupor.
What shall I tell you?
How do we begin
When it feels like
Whenever our eyes lock in steel gaze
I rediscover you – a stranger

Are we just being born
Moment by moment
Each new task
A new entering into the world
Without a midwife

Choking on fluid fear
No wonder I don’t breathe
No wonder being with me
Feels like riding an underground train
Jerk. Speed up. Slow down. Stop. Wait.
Breath again.

Fear Manifesto

(By Sil, the 3rd of June, 2010, London)

Passive,
I’d rather be the strapped-in passenger,
Not the sightless driver
Manoeuvring
Into the night of destiny
Even if it means
Even if it means
I am handing over the controls.

Heavy-eyed,
I rather mash the view in soft focus
Than stay alert
To the hazard-yielding panorama of being
Even if it means
Even if it means
I’m sleeping my life away.

Slow,
I’d rather toddle along the bridle path
Not race
On the highways of ambition
Where speed is the blood of direction
Even if it means
Even if it means
I never arrive.

Thrust into the driving seat
Too young
Feet dangle above the pedals
Gaze below the mirrors
My body
A car with no controls
To the brim filled with the fuel of fear
Clamps down.
I crash
On the unforgiving turns of life.